It's 2:48pm and I've just settled down to drink some vodka and work a little.  I'm waiting for the pet stain remover to settle in to my daughter's carpet so that I can clean up the vomit and trachea bits from her room.  Oddly, I had poured the drink before my children returned home with friends and screamed that there was a hairball in the bedroom.

Why am I drinking?  To get just tipsy enough to feel ridiculously happy for a bit before I down tons of coffee and water to sober up and cook dinner etc.  I'm waiting for a phone call from a friend who has it far worse than me - but seriously, do you ever just think - how in the hell did I end up like this?  I'm not yet 40, but I have aching hips, wear a back brace whenever no one is around because my back aches all the time.  I have no energy, I have not one but two jobs that I hate and two that I love but don't get to do enough of (but I'm not sure I could do more because of those two jobs I hate).  and yeah.  I like my life, but I wonder what I did so wrong.  I had potential.

Let's go back to when I was 11 or so - I was a very smart kid.  I studied hard, I spent time with my friends, and exhibited a frightening tendency for excess - just with food at that time, but I was somewhat social.  Well, let's be honest, I was a nerd.  I took pride in being smarter and better behaved than all my friends, and never ever did I pass up a chance to talk Star Trek!!!! all the time to anyone and everyone, sharing the trivia,  thoughts and breakdowns of episodes with anyone foolish enough to bring Star Trek up.

Um, drink kicked in, time to ride the wave, or whateve rthe fuck you want to call it.  I feel nice and content a tthe omeent